Did I?

Did I?
10-15-05
My heart races.
My mind swirls.
With all these thoughts.
Breathing heavily;
I only can think one thing,
"What just happened?"
Did I just give in?
Should I follow my heart?
Let these lustful thoughts come true?
Him, Gothic.
Me, Christian.
They do say how oppisites attract.
Completely oppisite.
Different aspects in our lives.
Telling us apart seems all to easy.
Why is it that all this seems so confusing?
The way it lays out,
Me being Christian,
Him being Goth,
I just don't know why I think this way.
It isn't right,
I know I shouldn't,
I tell myself never will this happen.
It's just not possible.
Not logical.
Why does my heart tell me these stories?
Why when I look at him I see us together?
Is it true,
At least in this case,
Do oppisites really attract?
My head doesn't know,
My heart can't speak to me.
I take a look at him,
Such a rebel,
Such a turn on to me.
My heart races when I think of him,
My mind swirls with thoughts of him.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

Mixie and Me! (Made just for Mixie)

Mixie and Me
5-29-06
I always wondered why God brought us together.
Was it planned or was it our determination?
Several answers I know are wrong,
I cannot answer just one little thought.
I know only one thing,
We're always going to be friends.
Not one thing could break,
The friendship we've formed right now.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

Mindful Thoughts

Mindful Thoughts
January 06
I take to heart all that is said. I open up and let people in. I love my friends and show it all. I justs don't know why people are so dull. Some don't think. Some don't like others. I don't know why it is so hard for them. Be a part of something, live life. Sitting and doing nothing is no way to be when lifes adventures out there waiting to happen.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

Quietness

Quietness
January 06
Quietness all around, no one here to make a sound. Voices, footsteps, none around to make just one little sound. Quietness is not a thing of the past but I take forgranted what I want to last. A time of peace just me and thoughts is what I have at last. Not wanting it to end but someone speaks. Quiet has gone and noise has come as my peace becomes hidden away.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

Loved

Loved
Febuary 06
Loved ones in a persons life. Taken forgranted I hope not. Loved forever in heart and in mind. Always love them no matter what they do. Cuddle up close in the good and the bad. Hugs n' Kisses are NOT bad. Surprises and good times are wonderful. All the times spent turn to memories from beginning to end. Remember them all for they are most special. Loved ones held dear never to forget. Forget them not but love them forever because they'll be with you til the end.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

Surprises

Surprises
March 06
Taken by surprise
Caught off-gaurd
Taken away,
It seems like for good.
Let it be, I know I should
To know it could never be;
Takes my heart to a new place.
A place not joyful, not happy at all.
A place that says it will never be.
A person that speaks of friendship
A girl in other words called a friend
Takes the place I desired most.
Left alone
All but a broken feeling left.
Still seems like for good.
I know it was coming
But reality came in late.
Now still star-struck
I deal with now and not when.
Consentration broken,
Secrets in me are kept.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

In My Sanctuary

In My Sanctuary
2-3-06
Frightened in this place that is supposed to be my sanctuary. A place that I am supposed to call my home. It frightens me to hear the yells. To feel the uncomfort to know the things I know. I want my life to change, change in a way that I feel comfortable in my own life. I never know how much I was hurting from way back when or how much it affected me now.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

Hiding

Hiding
March 06
Hiding myself deep inside, hiding my pain in a land far away. I don't know where I went but this is not me. Someone else has replaced me on the outside. The real me hidden in my heart, bottled up so no one can see. I can not think of why I should open my heart and let the me on the inside out. My outside me says no one cares so I bury myself deeper in my little shell. So no one can see my pain or feel my hurt. I lock up my emotions and never let them out. I don't know why this has happened, I have have held people out, why I don't let my true self show, or even why I bury myself so deep inside. Will I be afraid of what might happen or am I just too afraid already to let everyone know ME?
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

Grieving

Grieving
Febuary 06
Something that haunts my past. Something I wish could be taken back. If only I knew what to do, how to take my mind away. My heart longs to get back to you but my mind stands in the way. In the way of what should be. Take away my mind and give my heart control. Control to love you, know you, and want to be with you. I am lost in my own world, disconnected from you. Hold my heart, hold me in your arms and never let me go. Never let me lose my way. Keep me close and let me hear you. Hear you, know you, and see you. See the path you have for me. In my overwhelming world of nothingness, I am lost. Lost from my past and from my savior. Help me find you, draw me close, and hold me.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

5 deep poems

Buried
Febuary 06
Frantic fears are here now. Fears I have, I know I can't help. I can't get rid of them, so I bury them. Deep inside not to come out. Some came out, showed their face. I put them behind a smile and a voice that says, "I'm okay." I turn around and see they've gone, back to their hiding place and buried once more.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

Childhood Mess
Febuary 06
I don't understand what I ever did to deserve this. All from my childhood past revealed. I realize I need to know, why this had to happen so. My one question, my only wish, is to know why. My greatest fears are greater than most may age. I take one look at the fears of others and think, "I wish mine were that little." To be a normal teen, just worrying about fashion or school work instead of my past coming back to life.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

Panicked
2-2-06
I ran from him and never looked back. Friends to help me and stand by me through this Afraid of what could've been. They tell me I did the right thing but it's hard to believe. I never believed them until one person said it. A person I love, a person I trust and a person I feel completely safe with. I feel safe in her arms and believe every word she says. She brings me great comfort as I work through this hard time. Working through this mess brings a lot of thoughts to mind. Thoughts about the past, the present and the future have me boggled to no end. Pondering all the questions in my head, I cannot seem to answer even just one. My questions unanswered I can only seem to know how frustrating this all is. I take one look at what is and realize this isn't what I have planned. I didn't plan any of this but apparently God did. I have no clue why he planned all my tragedies but I know through the pain I endure, I get closer to him everyday. Healing in my pain he brings me closer with the passing of each day and the great help of someone held dear.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

Nothing
5-13-06
Overwhelming loneliness
Nothingness growning inside
I feel as though I am nothing
Like I can't be seen.

I've taken away all my thoughts
I think of nothing but the days that I've spent in my world.

The thought of my world looking so dull, almost glum compared to life.
The real world in which I live seems so fictionary to mine.

My soul cannot find its footing in the ground.
Thoughts and feelings, up and down, my soul knows not which way to turn to be found.

Tape it high, tape it low, just so I know, where I left my heart alone.
I want it back, no need to say it has a home.

I have it back. Now don't ask me how, my ups and downs are still around but my heart is back that's all I know.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

No Sound, None At All
4-3-06
Quietness is all around. I open my mouth but make no sound. No one listens, no one hears, the many sounds I make aloud. I see myself inside and out and know not who I am now. Around my mind I don't know how this has really come about. To see myself and not know how I am who I am now. It amazes me sometimes to see all around me people that are out. But me, within God's presence, a Christian for lifes long last. I know I am better off than some, I know now because I know God. My search is over, I have what I was looking for but some, sadly, are still looking. Still looking for the almighty one, the king of kings, and the savior. Waiting for him to pick them up off their feet and say, "It's all okay." It's okay to say I love the Lord, it's okay to believe in him. Take his word and remember all. All around I heard no sound but now quietness is now where to be found.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

All for Anna *4-26-1988>4-20-2006* 3 poems.

A Day Of Distractions I Pray
4-27-06
Some days we laugh
Some days we cry
Some days we just don't know what to do with ourselves.
A distraction I wish I had
Let me not think about this mess I pray.
Give me a distraction to hide my tears,
A distraction to hide my heartache.
Get me out of this mess I pray.
Give me a distraction.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

Forever
4-27-06
A life once here now taken away
God, I pray she will live.
Forever in our hearts,
Forever in our prayers.
In us,
In our minds,
In our hearts,
Her spirit will live on.
Not to be forgotten.
To the end we'll remember
Her smile and forever captured moments.
Her spirit will live on.
For life's long last,
We love you Anna.
Forever touched by her gracious heart.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

A Lost Friend
4-27-06
Blood shed
Death came
Tears forever shed
At this great loss.
Memories we have
Words that we'll remember
A friend never to leave
But always be with us.

Physically Anna may be gone but
Spiritually she never will.
She physically may be dead but her spirit will live on forever through us.
R.I.P. Anna
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

Many Things That Come To Mind

Many Things That Come To Mind
5-22-06
A soul now lost
Sorrow now comes
For a lost soul that just doesn't know where to go.
Where to go in life.
Where to go I just don't know.
How I have become this way.
Just a needy, manipulative, careless person?
Am I really?
Am I unknowingly a bad person?
This takes me by surprise,
For I don't know what to say
What to think
I don't even know what to do.
Am I all these things?
A manipulative
And needy person?
I think not but others do.
What do I do?
How do I fix this?
How do I change these opinions?
Is God telling me to change?
Am I even loved?
Or am I just hated?
Taking thought to what has been said
With all these questions running through my head.
Processing
Thinking
Taking time to figure things out.
All these questions in my head.
Will they be answered?
Or will they be unanswered?
More questions come to mind
When my thoughts wrap around what one has said.
To be honest or to utter the words most often
Said.....
"I don't know"
With thoughts and worries
My head's gone swirling.
My minds tired of thinking so deep
Taking these questions
Putting them away for now
Taking a nap
Perhaps a "sleep"
I'll wake up with a new mind to think.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)

Bad

Bad

10-15-05
Something that could never be
A someone I could never have.
Always on my mind
The thoughts have crossed my mind,
"What if we could be?"
Is it lust
or is it love?
What might it be?
Leaving my heart feeling so satisfied?
Or is it my mind making my heart feel so?
Feelings I cannot express
I look at him and want him to be mine
I think and know it will never be.
Lustful thoughts fill my mind
Everytime I get a glance of him.
Knowing it's forbidden
That this relationship would never be right
Just makes me want him more.
My mind has filled with thoughts of him
Just knowing that it is never to be makes
Me need him, want him that much more.
Me a Christian
Him a Goth
Titles that separate us and make it so
Hard to be.
-By: Jenessa Fisk (Me)